Wasted Carbon

You know what pisses me off? Ultimatum’s piss me off. An ultimatum is nothing more than a stupid shit-test. When you are given an ultimatum, it is nothing more than a stab at your confidence.

I have learned that no matter what the situation is, if someone gives you an ultimatum, you should do the exact opposite of THEIR desired outcome.   Another thing about ultimatums, ever notice they often start with a “you need” statement?  Total bullshit.  Some examples…

• “You need to choose between her or me.”  Proper Response: “Hit the fuckin’ road toots, I chose her.”

• “You need to pick up the pace or find somewhere else to work.”  Proper Response: “Blow me, douche-bag.”

• “You need to clean your room or find somewhere else to live.”  Proper Response: “Shut your pie-hole or I’m tellin’ Dad you’re sleepin’ with the mailman.”

• “Your money or your life.”  Proper Response: “You ain’t got the guts, you sorry little turd-burglar.”

Do you think John Wayne would put up with that crap?  Hell no he wouldn’t!  He’d reach down between his legs and grab his cast-iron balls and smack someone over the head with ‘em.  Don’t put up with any ultimatum – ever.  Nothing, nothing is worth more than your pride… not your girlfriend, not your job at Hardees, and certainly not your life…

Okay, maybe your life, but certainly not your crack-whore, cheatin’ momma’.

Holy crap! The Gates on ABC is an unpolished turd. If you took an uppity-version of Desperate Housewives, added a dash of CSI, and a sprinkle of Twilight, put it all in a blender, you, like ABC, could serve-up an equally shitty TV show. It’s the kind of show that has you eagerly anticipating commercial breaks.

Can ABC be more transparent in their attempts to corral Twilight-humping fan-addicts? What a steamy pile of crap that show was. The only highlight for me was the hot chic with the British accent, who used to be on Boston Legal. She could suck on my neck any time.

It’s not just the vampire-loving freaks who are clearly on the receiving end of ABC’s marketing attempts, but the show also features a super-gay, high-tech security command post. There are tons of futuristic monitors and other cyber-crap that wreaks of CSI or other pop-culture crime shows.

If this show is still on after six episodes, I will personally flog myself with a copy of Twilight at the local shopping mall. The Gates is uber-dumb. The acting, especially the acting by the staff in the The Gates security command center, is poor at best. How someone succeed in selling this concept is beyond me…