Religious Neighbors Annoy Me
I swear these two guys have been conspiring (or betting) to convert me. The Baptist is hell-bent (yeah, pun intended) on getting me to his church. I’m not sure if he has a conversion quota to meet or if he’s just looking for some poor-sap to sacrifice (I was raised Catholic, so don’t think I don’t know what goes on in those places.) Whatever his reason is, you’d think he’d catch on after I have politely declined several times.
The Methodist is a nice enough guy. He takes a less direct way to force Jesus into my life. See, a conversation cannot be had with this man without him forcing an awkward, out-of-context reference to god, or Jesus, or The Lord, into the mix. For example, I say, “Nice day huh?” and he responds with, “These are god’s gifts to his children.” Okay, it couldn’t be the high-pressure system that moved in overnight, eh? I usually just reply with, “Yep” or “Uh-huh.”
All I know, is that sometimes I would just like to mow my fucking lawn with no interruptions, or talk about angels or church. I mean, for shits-sake, I’m usually mowing it on a Sunday! Isn’t that sign enough that I’m a hopeless, sabbath-breaking-man-devil?! I think I’ll tell the Baptist I’ll go to church if he mows my lawn for me…
