Internet To Be Turned Off December 31st
Father of the internet, Al Gore says, “We had a good run, but after 20-some years of trying, it is pretty evident that this network of inter-connected computers systems is clearly not a viable means of shared communication.”
The news has caused a mad-dash of traffic to pornography sites by users hoping to stockpile enough material to sustain themselves. Joey Butello, CEO of rawanimalsexwithmidgetsandsteamshovels.com, say he has noticed a major influx of traffic by “money-paying sick-fu*ks” to his site. “When I started rawanimalsexwithmidgetsandsteamshovels.com, I knew there was a niche market that wasn’t gettin’ served. I never dreamed that business would explode like this! It sucks hairy balls that it has to end.”
Similar increases in traffic have been noticed on the social networking sites MySpace and Facebook where users have been posting goodbyes to friends they have never actually met. This excerpt was taken from college freshman Jason Thomas’ wall:
“Dudes! The news is sooooooo sad! Think I’m going to spend the next couple months finishing off all those beer surveys I never got to. Been totally whack getting to know you all!”
When asked what he will do when the Internet is finally turned off, Thomas stated, “I’ll probably get a big bag of weed and like a job or something.”
- National Press Services
If you would like to keep the internet turned on, let your voice be heard. A petition, “Do Not Turn Off The Internet,” can be found here.
Dear National Press Services
You’re a bunch of c*nts.
awww they couldn’t wait until 2012? too bad
This could possibly be one of the greatest things to ever happen to society in general.
Yes, I’m aware of the irony of me saying this while on the Internet.
skythra: Lighten up – they’re just the messenger. Perhaps you could use a little time away from the monitor. Thanks for stopping in, Nick
nw: Sorry, the Mayan’s already got dibs… Nice to see you – Nick
Jon – Very much agreed (as I too type away while looking at the beautiful fall day outside). Thanks for your opinion – Nick
[...] I just checked in on our survey to save the Internet (which you may have heard will be turned off this coming December 31st). I have to say I am humbled by the massive flood of signatures and support. With the 14 [...]
I doesn’t matter.
I’ll have finished downloading the internet by then.
Don’t believe this story. I’ve seen this many times before. Al Gore on December 30th will annouce that if everyone sends him $149.00 (he learned this from Gates at MS) you all can have the internet! What a great extortion!
ok, seriously first of all “al gore the father of the internet” yea, total bs. i cant beleive how many people are fallin for this fake ass story yo xD
second NUTHINGS GONA HAPPEN IN 2012!!! people have come forth and admited that they read the mayan calendar wrong, and any and all scientists you ask compleatly deny the “apocalyps” as bein real. also all of the people calim 2012 is gona happen are just assholes tryin to sell books
So we will be going back to the stone ages?!
If you people actually beleive this.. Then you are mentally challanged.. Enough said..
al gore- father of the internet, give me a break… no one group owns the internet, so how can one group shut it off???
This is their response to porn and youtube? Why not limit the amount of time each computer or system can be jacked in online. I mean to shut the internet off completely is for one against our first ammendment as Americans, and two is a waste of valuable information. Kids aren’t learning in schools, most of the students who fail are being passed thanks to the no child left behind and it’s not like these kids are going to the public library to learn. This is their tool, the internet is their books, without it I have a feeling that dumb will have a new meaning.
ok. look at it this way. by turn off the internet millions of people will be out of work… some people who go to school online wont be able to complete the classes. i think you fucking nuts….