Corporate Irritations – Top 10 Signs You’re Too Corporate
1. You lean back in your chair and noisily suck on a lollipop during a meeting. You are a stupid asshole and there is nothing you can do to change that in the future.
2. You “implement” everything, but in realty, you do nothing.
3. Your title defines you and therefore, I am changing your title to douche-bag.
4. You talk on the phone while taking a dump, then flush and walk out of the bathroom without washing your hands. You should be publicly humiliated, doused in bleach, and set afire.
5. You try to be extra nice to the super-nerdy tech-kid because you feel sorry for him, when in fact, he thinks you are a total tool.
6. You’re determination and drive do very little to offset your lack of intelligence and wretched halitosis (and everyone still sees you for what you really are – a dork).
7. You use your position of authority to spew your political views, but you voted for Barack Obama and therefore, you are a socialist pig who should be deported to Venezuela where you can eagerly suck Hugo Chevez’s ass.
8. You think of your coworkers and colleagues as family and take a sincere interest in the goings-on in their lives (while you neglected wife is at home doing the cable guy).
9. You value diversity and inclusion so much since that last training session, but that still doesn’t mean you’ll let your son play with that Mexican kid down the street.
10. You love to check your Blackberry during the weekends – especially when others can see you doing it (when you know no one is trying to get in contact with you because you are an unimportant schmuck).
